"Joke of the Day" Thread

田鱼

A Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife
looks over at him and asks THE question.

WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married
again?

HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!'

WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'

HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.'

WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?'

HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'

WIFE: 'You would?' (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'

HUSBAND: 'Sure, it's a great house.'

WIFE: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

HUSBAND: 'Where else would we sleep?'

WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

HUSBAND: 'Probably, it is almost new.'

WI FE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do'

WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'

HUSBAND : 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'

WIFE: 'Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: 'Yes, those are always good times.'

WIFE: 'Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: 'No, she's left-handed.'

WIFE: -- silence ................

HUSBAND: 'Shit.'

田鱼

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I 'd like to ride in that helicopter".

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

大眼睛米米~~

hi~glad to come here! i am a new member here!
haha~ this is the first to come here -the good place!there are many jokes!
glad to share some jokes with you!

田鱼

Beer     

fastjudy

Hahaha....good ad!

田鱼

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I`ve known you for over fifteen years, and I`ve never seen you take a drink before. What`s going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I`m your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"

田鱼

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle,
the French captured an English colonel. They took him to their
headquarters, and the French general began to question him.

Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, "Why do you
English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes
you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the officer informed the general that the
reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot the
blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day to this, all French Army officers
wear brown pants.

田鱼

Mom`s Letter

I`m writing this slow because I know you can`t read fast. We don`t live where we did when you first left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won`t be able to send you the address as the last family here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn`t have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in, pulled the chain, and I haven`t seen em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days this time. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven`t found out whether it`s a girl or a boy, so I don`t know if you are an Aunt or an Uncle. Not much more news this time, write soon. Love, Mom P.S. Was going to send you money, but the envelope was already sealed.

田鱼

A college student writes to his parents...

Dear Mom and Dad,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another two hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son,
Johnnie.

P.S. I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late."

A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!"

好丽友好朋友

hehe.i  know   the   joke   means   a   litter   ,but    i  like   it