"Joke of the Day" Thread

田鱼

  Wow, this forum is dry. Let's have some fun.

Well, blond jokes never get old, and here is one:

A blonde says to her boyfriend, "Please help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to help with the puzzle. She shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He then takes her hand and says, with a deep sigh,"Secondly, let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

田鱼

Subject: Blonde's Cooking Diary

Monday~ It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made an angle food cake.
The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice
enough to lend me extra bowls.

Tuesday~ Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve
without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought
a friend home for supper.

Wednesday~ A good day for rice. The recipe said, wash thoroughly
before steaming rice. It seemed so silly, but I took a bath anyway. I
can't say it improved the rice.

Thursday~ Today, Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It
said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce an hour before
serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

Friday~ I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said to put the
ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something
wrong with this recipe. When I came back everything was the same as I left
it.

Saturday~ Tom did the shopping today. He brought home a chicken and
asked me to dress it for Sunday. {oh boy} For some reason Tom keeps
counting to ten.

Sunday~ Tom's folks came to dinner tonight. I wanted to serve a roast
but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly, I had a flash of genious. I
put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. Much to my
disappointment, it still came out hamburger.

Good night dear diary. This has been an exciting week. I am eager for
tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe for Tom. If I can talk
Tom into a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate
moose.

田鱼

Famous Composers

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present.

Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. 'I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segall. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

So Arnold says . . . . . . . .

"I'll be Bach."

田鱼

OK, this one you probably have to read it out to get it:

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes
to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to
a family in Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she would also like to have
a picture of Ahmal. Her husband replied, "They're twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

fastjudy

Hell yes...   Thanks for showering onto dry land... The jokes are good...love the blond ones...

calvinsonic

man this is hilarious lol stupit blonds

田鱼

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

田鱼

引用第5楼calvinsonic于2007-01-25 00:02发表的:
man this is hilarious lol stupit blonds

Well, here is one, in their defense

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Charleston, South Carolina arrived....and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby....Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down....and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

Moral -
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men..are men

fastjudy

"But all men..are men".....the truth could not be any truer...

田鱼

引用第8楼fastjudy于2007-01-25 18:38发表的:
"But all men..are men".....the truth could not be any truer...

Well, there are reasons why men exist...