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标题: "Joke of the Day" Thread [打印本页]

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-24 08:10
标题: "Joke of the Day" Thread
Wow, this forum is dry. Let's have some fun.

Well, blond jokes never get old, and here is one:

A blonde says to her boyfriend, "Please help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to help with the puzzle. She shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He then takes her hand and says, with a deep sigh,"Secondly, let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-24 08:23
Subject: Blonde's Cooking Diary

Monday~ It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made an angle food cake.
The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice
enough to lend me extra bowls.

Tuesday~ Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, serve
without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought
a friend home for supper.

Wednesday~ A good day for rice. The recipe said, wash thoroughly
before steaming rice. It seemed so silly, but I took a bath anyway. I
can't say it improved the rice.

Thursday~ Today, Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It
said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce an hour before
serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

Friday~ I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said to put the
ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something
wrong with this recipe. When I came back everything was the same as I left
it.

Saturday~ Tom did the shopping today. He brought home a chicken and
asked me to dress it for Sunday. {oh boy} For some reason Tom keeps
counting to ten.

Sunday~ Tom's folks came to dinner tonight. I wanted to serve a roast
but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly, I had a flash of genious. I
put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. Much to my
disappointment, it still came out hamburger.

Good night dear diary. This has been an exciting week. I am eager for
tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe for Tom. If I can talk
Tom into a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate
moose.

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-24 08:28
Famous Composers

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present.

Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. 'I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segall. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

So Arnold says . . . . . . . .

"I'll be Bach."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-24 08:42
OK, this one you probably have to read it out to get it:

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes
to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to
a family in Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she would also like to have
a picture of Ahmal. Her husband replied, "They're twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-1-24 09:52
Hell yes...

Thanks for showering onto dry land...

The jokes are good...love the blond ones...

作者: calvinsonic 时间: 2007-1-25 00:02
man this is hilarious lol

stupit blonds

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-25 09:47
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-25 09:52

引用第5楼calvinsonic于2007-01-25 00:02发表的:
man this is hilarious lol stupit blonds

Well, here is one, in their defense

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman from Charleston, South Carolina arrived....and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby....Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down....and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

Moral -
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men..are men

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-1-25 18:38
"But all men..are men".....the truth could not be any truer...

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-26 07:58

引用第8楼fastjudy于2007-01-25 18:38发表的:
"But all men..are men".....the truth could not be any truer...

Well, there are reasons why men exist...

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-26 09:06
Jessica, a young blonde woman, was on vacation in Florida and driving through the Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes but was reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. She tried to bargain for a lower price, but the shopkeepers would not haggle with her. After becoming very frustrated with one store owner, Jessica shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes for free!" The shopkeeper just smirked and said, "Little lady, you just go ahead and give it a try!" Jessica headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator. Late in the afternoon, that shopkeeper was driving home and he saw Jessica standing waist-deep in the murky water of a bayou with a shotgun in her hand. As he stopped and stared at her, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she aimed the shotgun at the alligator's head and killed the creature and dragged it up nto the bank. Then the shopkeeper noticed that there were already seven other dead alligators there. As he watched, Jessica managed to flip the latest alligator onto its back. She clenched her fists and screamed, "Damn it! This one is barefoot too!"

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-26 09:20
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!"

"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.

He turned to the other man and said, "You come with us, too."

"But I have a wife and six children," the second man answered.

"Bring them as well," replied the lawyer.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place; the grass is almost a foot tall."

作者: calvinsonic 时间: 2007-1-26 22:49
dang, nice jokes man, this is what we need to make this section better

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-27 10:11
An English professor wrote the words "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote, "A woman, without her man, is
nothing."

All the females in the class wrote, "A woman: without her, man is
nothing."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-28 13:56
A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "That's a thermos it keeps some things hot and some things cold" "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk.

"What do you have there?" he asked."Why, that's a thermos . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied. Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" The blond replied, "Two Popsicles', and some coffee".

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-29 00:21
Three old guys are golfing. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

作者: calvinsonic 时间: 2007-1-29 00:38

引用第15楼田鱼于2007-01-29 00:21发表的:
Three old guys are golfing. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

old folks...

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-29 09:33
FINALLY someone has come out with a 100% Bipartisan Political bumper sticker.

"2008 - RUN HILLARY RUN"

Democrats put it on the rear bumper.
Republicans put it on the front bumper.

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-29 09:41
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-29 10:58
Drive-through ATM

MALE PROCEDURE: -
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Roll down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw money.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Roll window up.
7. Drive off.

***********************************************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE: -
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, roll the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

作者: calvinsonic 时间: 2007-1-29 21:50

引用第17楼田鱼于2007-01-29 09:33发表的:
FINALLY someone has come out with a 100% Bipartisan Political bumper sticker.

"2008 - RUN HILLARY RUN"

Democrats put it on the rear bumper.
.......

lol....

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-30 08:06
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-30 08:15
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old.

"Hold it, hold it," the fellow said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county government," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us, me, Joe and Mike. I dig the hole, Joe sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back."

"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Joe is sick, that doesn't mean we can't work, does it?"

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-1-31 00:46
Hahaha... Hot damn! These are good stuff!...hope the rest knows what they are all about...

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-31 08:13
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!

The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish.

The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete.. how much steel...! No. Think of another wish."

The man tried to think of another wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced several times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying... know what they really want when they say, 'Nothing'... know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-1-31 08:15
A blonde and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a long flight. To pass the time, the lawyer suggested that they try to stump one another with trivia. "If I ask you something that you don't know, you owe me $5. The same goes if you ask me something I don't know." The blonde refused.
"Okay. If you don't know an answer, you pay me $5, but if I don't know an answer, I pay you $50." The blonde accepted. The Lawyer went first.
"What is the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde didn't say anything, but merely reached into her purse, pulled out a $5 bill and handed it to the lawyer. Then it was her turn. "What has four legs going up a hill, but only three coming down?" The lawyer had no idea, so he gave her a $50 bill. "So, what is it?" The blonde said nothing, but merely reached into her purse and gave a $5 bill to the lawyer.

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-2-2 21:52
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -- She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" -- She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" -- She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" -- She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

5 . She does not "NAG" you -- She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" -- She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" -- He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -- He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" -- He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -- He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -- It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

作者: calvinsonic 时间: 2007-2-2 22:09

引用第26楼田鱼于2007-02-02 21:52发表的:
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" -- She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" -- She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
.......

hahaha.....this is helarious

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-2-2 22:23
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" -- He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants -- It's "REAR CLEAVAGE"

...hahaha....i fell off my seat on this one...

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-2-4 13:54
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ''Love'' stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
''I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
''But why?'' asks the man.
''I'm a divorce lawyer."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-2-4 14:40
Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son...

Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride".
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case..."

Next Jack approaches Bill Gates...
Jack: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Jack: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case..."

Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank...
Jack: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Jack: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case....."

This is how business is done.

作者: calvinsonic 时间: 2007-2-4 18:09

引用第30楼田鱼于2007-02-04 14:40发表的:
Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son...

Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride".
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
.......

Dang, what a "evil" plan

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-2-6 11:55
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a very good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a really fluffy pillow to sleep on."

God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.

The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."

God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffly pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"

The cat replied, "Oh yes, it is WONDERFUL! I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!"

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-2-7 23:31
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said,
"I bet I know what it is. Flowers."
"That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said,
"I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring,
"I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-2-14 06:18
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.

"Breast fed" she replied.

"Okay. I want you to strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did as asked. He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for quite a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came".

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-2-14 06:20
Blind guy on a barstool shouts to the bartender "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.

"The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blond with a black belt in karate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2," weighs 225 and he's a rugby player," he continues, "The fella to your right is 6'5" and pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blond. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-2-26 06:04
Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

"Put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the psychiatrist. "I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.

Six months later the psychiatrist met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-2-27 10:14
Sign on the unisex toilet door at The Diner in Taipei

(Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tas ... -72157594543346843/)

394707007_ee583b38c9.jpg (43 KB, 下载次数: 16)

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-2-27 10:48
One more restroom sign I've got to post. It's hilarious.

credit here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/din ... -72157594430304725/

325663678_562b7cf44e.jpg (26 KB, 下载次数: 16)

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-3-5 09:43
Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,
"Hello?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy, Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay, Daddy, Just a minute." A few minutes later The little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy."
"And what happened, honey?" He asked. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed With no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window And into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water Last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
Long Pause
Longer Pause
Even Longer Pause
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? .............Is this 486-5731?"
"No, I think you have the wrong number....... "

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-3-5 10:00
Hehehe...the one on top is goooodddddd.....

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-3-18 04:05
Double standards

doublestandardssign_797.jpg (19 KB, 下载次数: 15)

Double standards

作者: calvinsonic 时间: 2007-3-19 00:06

引用第41楼田鱼于2007-03-18 04:05发表的:
Double standards

this is racist, RACIST!!!
lol

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-3-19 11:55
bro...i think you meant sexist!

作者: calvinsonic 时间: 2007-3-19 18:43
indeed....i have no idea why i wrote racist lol

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-3-24 07:36
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked."How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-3-24 07:46
A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach
One day, enjoying his chance to get some sun. All of
A sudden, a beautiful woman walks by and stops. "You
Poor man," she says. "I bet you've never been kissed
Have you?"

The man has to admit, no, he never has, so she bends
Down and plants a good one right on the mouth.

A few minutes later, another gorgeous babe walks up.
"You look like you need a hug," she says.

He agrees that would be nice, she gives him a great
One, and walks away.

A few minutes later, a drop-dead gorgeous girl walks
By. She stops, a sultry smile on her face and looks
Down at him.

"Mister," she says, "Have you ever been screwed?"

"No," he says with a hopeful grin.

"Well, you are now. The tide's coming in."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-3-31 11:41
A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance for the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing. Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a Consulting Company and paid them a huge amount of money for a second opinion. After a 6-month study they advised that too many people were steering the canoe, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the one person rowing the canoe greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program," with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practice, and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment and research. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-4-2 10:16
Hahaha...good Lord! The above is GOOD!!!...

How true of how Americans work.... No wonder Shimano sells more than Sram...

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-4-4 21:38
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the
lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed
up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained
professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your
plane arrived yet?"

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-4-4 21:39
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza
to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like
it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before
responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough
to eat 6 pieces."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-4-4 21:40
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was
open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end
the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

作者: lynn 时间: 2007-4-6 23:31

引用第8楼fastjudy于2007-01-25 18:38发表的:
the truth could not be any truer...

lol, this is Chin-lish, that is, Chinese-English. When you are expressing our agreement with someone, you can use the expression down-mentioned:

I cann't agree with you more~
You can say that again~
......
etc..

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-4-7 00:00

引用第52楼lynn于2007-04-06 23:31发表的:

lol, this is Chin-lish, that is, Chinese-English. When you are expressing our agreement with someone, you can use the expression down-mentioned:

I cann't agree with you more~
.......

Dude....my expression of "truer" was never meant to be serious...it's a layman's term....so if you wish to correct my grammer, do so within a valid reason (or maybe you think it was?) ...thanks.

Btw...i think you meant "Chinglish".....like Manglish (Malaysian English) or Singlish (Singaporian English)....

作者: lynn 时间: 2007-4-7 00:29
No reason.

As an English Major, I have been poisoned deeply that I have the fault of trying to correct......

Please take it as a suggestion of well-meaning~

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-4-7 10:27
I, as a non-English major, am perfectly fine with that expression. Don't be surprised if you see stuff like "more gooder"  

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-4-9 18:48
No worries, no offense taken.

As a person who grew up in an English speaking environment for the pass 30 years (yes, I'm not from China nor did i grow up here)....i've spoken, heard, written any English form possible... hence naturally, there will be some "Slang" or layman terms showing up every now and then. No i can't write poems nor fully understand Shakespeare...but i think i can hold my own ground.

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-4-15 09:00
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-4-15 09:08
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-4-15 09:28
Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-4-28 08:00
A Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife
looks over at him and asks THE question.

WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married
again?

HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!'

WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'

HUSBAND: 'Of course I do.'

WIFE: 'Then why wouldn't you remarry?'

HUSBAND: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'

WIFE: 'You would?' (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: 'Would you live in our house?'

HUSBAND: 'Sure, it's a great house.'

WIFE: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

HUSBAND: 'Where else would we sleep?'

WIFE: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

HUSBAND: 'Probably, it is almost new.'

WI FE: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

HUSBAND: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do'

WIFE: 'Would you give her my jewelry?'

HUSBAND : 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'

WIFE: 'Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: 'Yes, those are always good times.'

WIFE: 'Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: 'No, she's left-handed.'

WIFE: -- silence ................

HUSBAND: 'Shit.'

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-5-10 09:47
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I 'd like to ride in that helicopter".

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

作者: 大眼睛米米~~ 时间: 2007-5-11 10:56
hi~glad to come here! i am a new member here!
haha~ this is the first to come here -the good place!there are many jokes!

glad to share some jokes with you!

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-5-19 12:54
Beer

beer_410.jpg (46 KB, 下载次数: 16)

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-5-19 13:39
Hahaha....good ad!

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-5-24 10:51
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I`ve known you for over fifteen years, and I`ve never seen you take a drink before. What`s going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I`m your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-5-26 13:30
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle,
the French captured an English colonel. They took him to their
headquarters, and the French general began to question him.

Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, "Why do you
English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes
you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the officer informed the general that the
reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot the
blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day to this, all French Army officers
wear brown pants.

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-5-27 11:45
Mom`s Letter

I`m writing this slow because I know you can`t read fast. We don`t live where we did when you first left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won`t be able to send you the address as the last family here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn`t have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in, pulled the chain, and I haven`t seen em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days this time. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven`t found out whether it`s a girl or a boy, so I don`t know if you are an Aunt or an Uncle. Not much more news this time, write soon. Love, Mom P.S. Was going to send you money, but the envelope was already sealed.

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-5-27 12:19
A college student writes to his parents...

Dear Mom and Dad,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another two hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son,
Johnnie.

P.S. I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late."

A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!"

作者: 好丽友好朋友 时间: 2007-5-27 15:48
hehe.i know   the   joke   means   a   litter   ,but   i like   it  

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-6-10 23:05

ha_ha.jpg (46 KB, 下载次数: 18)

作者: dingding 时间: 2007-6-11 11:54
A man gets home,screeches his car into the driveway,runs into the house,slams the door,
and shouts,"honey,pack your bags!I just won the damn lottery!"
"Oh,my god!"screams his wife."What should i pack,beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"It doesn't matter,"the husband yells back,"just get the hell out!"

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-7-18 10:51
After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, British scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read:

"British archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots."

One week later, "The Nordic Klub," a Bismarck , North Dakota newsletter, reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 30 meters in corn fields near Bismarck, Ole Johnson, a self taught archeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago North Dakota had already gone wireless."

作者: Ⅰan 时间: 2007-7-18 13:01

引用第9楼田鱼于2007-01-26 07:58发表的:

Well, there are reasons why men exist...
[attach]66075[/attach]

These picture are very very interesting

i like it

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-7-29 04:25

WattWorldbike.jpg (125 KB, 下载次数: 18)

作者: goshawk 时间: 2007-7-29 10:34

引用第74楼田鱼于2007-07-29 04:25发表的:

Why?
For needs meeting.

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-8-11 21:14
A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to
go out for coffee. Eager to do well her first day on the job, she
grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.

She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came
over to take her order. She asked,

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?"

The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few
seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six
cups to me."

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two
regular, two black and two decaf."

作者: combo 时间: 2007-8-13 14:39
mixture coffee always tastes good

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-9-12 20:45
I crashed my car into the back of another at a traffic light this morning.
The guy got out of his car and he was a dwarf!
He said "I'm not happy!"
So I said "Well, which one are you then?"

作者: combo 时间: 2007-9-13 08:27
I don't catch the meaning

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-9-13 09:47
haha...what fish meant was is the dwarf not happy about the fact that he is a dwarf or his car got hit from behind!

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-9-13 10:15

引用第79楼combo于2007-09-13 08:27发表的:
I don't catch the meaning

Remember "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"? Check out their names.

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-9-13 13:20

引用第81楼田鱼于2007-09-13 10:15发表的:

Remember "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"? Check out their names.

OOppss... proves that i didn't read snow white...

Apologies Combo for the misinterpretation...

作者: combo 时间: 2007-9-13 13:46

引用第82楼fastjudy于2007-09-13 13:20发表的:

OOppss... proves that i didn't read snow white... Apologies Combo for the misinterpretation...

never mind dear monk

作者: combo 时间: 2007-9-13 13:50

引用第81楼田鱼于2007-09-13 10:15发表的:

Remember "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"? Check out their names.

I found their names.

Seven Dwarfs:

Dopey: the youngest, sweetest, and silliest of the seven, and the only one to be completely bald and beardless; wears a too large lime green tunic and purple cap.

Grumpy: the grouchiest and most curmudgeonly of the group, though even he is supremely devoted to the beautiful Snow White; wears a red tunic, long white hair and beard.

Doc: the only one of the dwarfs to wear glasses (so presumably the most intellectual); wears an orange-brown tunic, long white hair and beard.

Happy: the most rotund of the dwarfs; wears a brownish two-tone tunic, yellow cap, long white hair and beard.

Bashful: evokes his bashful nature through a classic pose of shyness (hands clasped behind back, shoulders slightly raised, eyes upturned); sometimes difficult to distinguish between Sneezy and Sleepy; depicted in purple tunic and magenta cap (on video), as well as long white hair and beard.

Sneezy: frequently shown with one finger underneath his nose, as if trying to stifle a sneeze; sometimes difficult to distinguish between Sleepy and Bashful; wears a yellow-brown tunic, long white hair and beard.

Sleepy: perhaps the most difficult to differentiate between Sleepy and Bashful, though he wears a perpetually sleepy looking, heavily lidded expression on his face; wears a brownish tunic, green cap, long white hair and beard.

So it's really an interesting joke .

作者: combo 时间: 2007-9-13 13:58
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-9-29 12:09
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my
father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped
me!

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never
came back!

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait
til it gets warmer."

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the
kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or
you'll see your kid again."

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger
to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the
electric chair.

Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my
parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't
know kid. There are so many places they can hide."

Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a
dog." He told me to get off his couch.

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He
don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told
me from now on I have to pay in advance.

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could
give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over.
Nobody was home!

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to
the guy, "Hey buddy...why are you doing that for?" He said, "Because you
came home early."

I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once,
"Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing
up. What's wrong with me? He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is
perfect."

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd
like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-9-29 12:24
Kekeke...another good one, fish!

作者: combo 时间: 2007-10-23 16:44
FISH, FISH, Joke of the day, not Joke of the month

作者: 山祖 时间: 2007-10-26 17:32
up~~~~

作者: 山祖 时间: 2007-10-26 17:33
up~~~~~

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-10-27 11:52
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help.

If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-10-30 09:03
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.

The two Englishmen just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"

The two continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?"

No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"

Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...."

"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2007-11-12 21:55
Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"None. I had a perfect marriage."

"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.

"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.

"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."

Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I just saw my wife."

"So?"

"She was riding a skateboard."

作者: calvinsonic 时间: 2007-11-18 12:38

引用第93楼田鱼于2007-11-12 21:55发表的:
Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"None. I had a perfect marriage."
.......

lol freakin laughed my ass off.
good job man!

作者: fastjudy 时间: 2007-11-20 10:27
haha...as always, good jokes 田鱼！

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2008-1-14 05:38
The Herbert’s were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Herbert kissed his wife and said, 'I'm off. The man should be here soon'. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
'Good morning madam. I've come to....' 'Oh, no need to explain. Come in,' Mrs. Herbert cut in. 'Really?' the photographer asked.. 'Well, good! My specialty is babies.'
'That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.'
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
Photographer - 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really spread out!'
Wife - 'Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for my husband and me.'
Photographer - 'Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.'
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
Wife - 'My, my, that's a lot of....'
Photographer - 'Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure.'
Wife (muttering)- 'Don't I know it.'
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus.'
Wife - 'Oh my!'
Photographer - 'And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'
Wife - 'She was difficult?'
Photographer - 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.'
Wife - 'Four and five deep?' (Eyes wide in amazement).
Photographer - 'Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.'
Wife (leaning forward) - 'You mean they actually chewed on your ....equipment?'
Photographer - 'That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work'
Wife - 'Tripod?'
Photographer - 'Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam? Good heavens, she's fainted!'

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2008-2-4 13:26
Lifting baby

1.jpg (138 KB, 下载次数: 20)

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2008-2-4 13:28
Nursing baby

2.jpg (158 KB, 下载次数: 20)

作者: 田鱼 时间: 2008-2-4 13:29
Testing baby's bottle

3.jpg (148 KB, 下载次数: 22)

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