某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，
忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是:Sex，该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week”。
签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”
该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：shouldn’t it be male?”
男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have *** with female.
上初一的时候，英语老师让我们读课文，恰好是一段对话，于是叫了一男一女两个同学来读。男：What time is it now?
女：It's nine.
男：Let's go to bed.
女：We go to bed at nine.
全班绝倒。
某日，英语测验，有英译汉题:One boy is a boy, two boys half a boy,three boys no boy.
偶百思不解，求救同桌眼镜女，该女始不从，且以手覆卷。以巧克力许之，遂见：提倡一胎，控制二胎，杜绝三胎。
某次英文考试有两道题目：
1）我穿上外套，却发现第一个扣子掉了。
2）他听见电话铃响，就过去接了电话。
正确答案应为：
1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.
）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.
但是某生的答案是：
1）Shit!
2）Hello?